Thursday, December 20, 2012

Day One: Breaking Misconceptions

Locals place a bowl in the sand and fill it with fresh water for the birds. I was intrigued. We are bringing a bowl of our own tomorrow.

I have a scar from a c-section. A necessary evil from a very frightening experience that if not done would have resulted in the death of two people. See, the umbilical cord was wrapped around my son's neck three times and the only solution was an emergency c-section. Since that day I've been extremely embarrassed by my scar. It changed my body and the perception of who I was forever. I was a woman with an embarrassing scar and a woman who couldn't give birth naturally.

I've hated my scar for years now. I've been utterly embarrassed by it so when my brother mentioned we'd be visiting his favorite beach on the island of Maui during my vacation to Hawaii I got scared. The beach that he held close to his heart was a nakkid beach and I'd have to own up to my hating of my body and of hating my scar. So much time had passed from the day they cut me open to pull out my son and so much had changed in my life that I was confused as to why I hated my body so much, but like a lot of women I had to now confront my dislike and deal with whatever bothered me. The reality was my brother was taking me to a nakkid beach and I was to own up to any feelings I had for the body and circumstances God had given me.

After I fed the Sparrows half my sandwich
they nestled in the sand and napped next to me. I was in heaven.

Sketching on Little Beach

Everyone on the beach was nakkid. Old, young, thin, fat, hung, small, big boobs, small boobs, fake boobs and all the in between were on that beach enjoying the natural surroundings and the calm the ocean of Maui brought. As I sat there with my clothing on I realized how much I wanted to be free of these ill thoughts of my body. When I looked around with my artist's eye I realized that there was not one body that wasn't beautiful enough for me to draw. That all before me was as God made it...and that was, good. God made us good. We are the ones that distort the beauty.

I lost my bathing suit and found myself in the soothing and healing waters of the Pacific with everyone else. There were men, women, and children all nakkid in the water. We were all playing, talking, splashing and diving waves. Some of us were even body surfing. We were all as God made us and there was a sense of freedom in this experience. A freedom from all the garbage media and life has thrown into the works which muck a beautiful, natural flow. A flow that God intended. I finally found love for my body at this beach. I am how God made me. Perfect even with my scar and all my other imperfections.

1 comment:

Heather Moreton said...

I have a horrible vertical scar due to having surgery while I was pregnant before the baby was born.. my stomach is a mess. I can totally relate and I admire that you faced your fears head on..