Friday, January 27, 2012

Just Thoughts....

"The Mountain"
Acrylic on canvas board
5" x 7"

It was raining again this morning. It was hard to pull myself away from standing in it. I just stood there looking out onto the mountain while it rained on me. I couldn't help but think that this must be what a tree feels like just standing in the rain. Standing there just taking whatever elements were being thrown at them. I stood taking the element in and questioning how the hell I got here on this plot of land and why and what was my purpose now? But that's when it occurred to me; this is what trees do, they just have to stand there and take whatever Mother Nature and God dish out to them and they don't question their purpose. Their purpose is to just, "be". This give and take between nature and the trees is a timeless exchange, but the difference between us and the trees is that the trees have a complete understanding of the exchange and somehow they are just able to accept it and not question which makes their existence simple and uncomplicated. To be more like a tree and accept whatever is happening is truly, truly difficult.

In my head the symphony of color began. The painting the mixing the cataloging of color, line, shape and composition. In a matter of seconds the entire scene was painted in my head and stored away. As I began this color frenzy the realization that this is not in any way shape or form normal, hit me again. It's not normal.

Some days I pray and ask why and wish that it be lifted from me in order to just be normal cause this "art thing" feels more like a curse than a gift most days. I'd like to walk in normal shoes for a while. Not sketch, paint, sculpt and draw you the moment I meet you for the first time but go about life oblivious to art. I'd like to not be so strange and in some cases, scary to people. But artists are a strange lot by nature. The very best part about going to an art college was that everyone was just as strange (some even more so) as everyone else which created an odd sense of "normalcy"

If you were up at 4 A.M. and in a creating frenzy all you had to do was open your door and find that that guy Steve was sprawled out on the floor near the elevators creating tiny little clay do-dads or drawing on packs of Post-IT notes (and he drew on EVERY note) and he did that cause, well I guess cause he had to get it out of his head and it hit him right there and then. And there he'd be with about a hundred little creations around him and anyone who walked past got one. "Here ya go!" he'd say with the happiest of smiles and you could tell his heart was filled with joy at the act of giving away a piece of himself, a piece of his heart and soul and the acceptance of that gift completed the creation fully. It's not truly complete until its given.

The best part of giving is watching people's reactions. It's also the worst some times because it's too much for some to handle. I don't know what to say to that except you probably wouldn't want to be on this end living with that urge to create, share and give in your mind and heart all the time. And I mean, all the time...even when you sleep the art invades your dreams. The small gift given was only a smear of a droplet of an ocean that is within. Imagine having the ocean within and knowing that that ocean is just a speck of a half of a smear of a droplet of an ocean from the planet within a universe from the Great Creator Himself. Why He chose to give this smear to me, I honestly don't know and on days like today I'm a bit annoyed with Him for doing so, cause on days like today it's way too powerful for me to handle, but I'm trying my best to stand as a tree does and just accept.

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